Utena: Twisted Dreams
by blupetal
Summary: Utena has lost to the hands of Nanami.. her Rose Bride is gone and with her Dios too.. or has he? Watch how Utena tumbles down the rabbit hole. Please critique I'm trying to become a real life writer, so real life critiquing would be lovely. :D


I don't own Revolutionary Girl Utena, etc. etc. :P This is a christian fic! Also I give some explanation at the bottom. PLEASE critique or at least say you read it

* * *

Utena Tenjou ran to the other end of the arena, with her long pink her waving behind her. She was ready to collapse but she was determined to continue the duel. She had agreed to the rematch and she was a girl of her word. To give up now would be to break her promise, to Anthy Himemiya who was called the Rose Bride, and to Dios, the Prince of the upside-down castle. She promised them both to be a protector, and in this case Anthy needed the protection. Although now, she was not so sure she could. Ever since she had lose Anthy to the hands of Nanami, Utena had not been able to sleep at all, making this battle even tougher.

With sword held tightly, the blonde-haired girl moved like a bull toward Utena. They had been dueling for nearly double the length of a regular duel time but Nanami hadn't even broke a sweat. For Utena's sake, that was a good thing. If Nanami had broken into much of a sweat, she would immediately want to pause the dueling in order to change out of her golden yellow fencing outfit and put on one of her other designer outfits before continuing. Privilege and prestige had lead Nanami to enjoy the luxury of having whatever she pleased. Her desires accounted for a very long list, and at the top of it was her handsome but prideful brother Touga. He was the captain of the Student Counsel, those whom wanted to own the power of Dios. Touga had the eye of many girls at Ohtori Academy, even his very own ill-minded sister. That was not something he indulged in, to Nanami's sorrow, yet she found hope in every glance and every gesture. That is, until Utena's arrival.

"You will not have them both!" Nanami yelled charging from the far end of the dueling platform. Almost in a blur, Utena saw Nanami coming but she could not move. 'No, not now.' her thoughts shouted but she felt like all of her energy had been absorbed. The smell of roses filled the air around Utena's petrified body. Instantly she knew it was Dios, although she couldn't see him nor could she see anything else. With the darkness all around her, Utena began to question if Dios was anywhere near her. Rarely had Utena experienced Dios' presence without Anthy's help. Maybe it wasn't Dios but the magic of the arena. Every time she came to fight it was like a dream. Out of the darkness someone was walking towards her.

"Dios?" she said trying to focus.

"No Tenjou" he said.

"Touga! What are you doing here? Where's Nanami?"

"Nanami is where she needs to be. You also are where you need to be. Stay with me and be my love." Touga replied.

"What are you talking about? I can't stay here, I don't even know where here is. I must be with Anthy, I must win her back!" Utena said. She never meant to be harsh towards Touga, but passion for Anthy consumed her like the sun's rays during a summer's morning. The rays became brighter covering up the darkness and Touga in it.

"Miss Utena are you okay?" She swinted to see the shadow of Anthy leaning over her. One of her lavender strands of hair had bounced out of place and softly laid against her face. "Miss Utena?"

"Yes."

"Are you ok, Miss Utena?"

"Yes." she replied sitting up and seeing herself back in the dueling arena. Looking down at her chest, she saw her rose blossom untouched. So the duel had not been lost; she must have fainted.

"Miss Utena, do not continue."

"No. I must win you back." Utena stood solid on her feet, although there seemed to be a glare in her eye, she seemed prepared to continue. Nanami then took Anthy, the Rose Bride, and called upon the power of Dios. Utena watched through tears, as Nanami took the sword from Anthy.

"Now, I win." Nanami said. Utena and Nanami both ran towards the other. There was a sound of swords clashing and the ladies now at opposite ends of the platform, stood looking at each other. A sly grin came upon Nanami's face. An eerie feeling came over Utena and she looked down to see her blossom crumbled, while her opponent's was settled in its place. Utena stared at the petals on the ground, retracing her steps. It didn't make sense, she had blocked Nanami. Could Dios have done it? Was he now on Nanami's side? And what of Anthy? Now she would be forced to be the slave of Nanami once again. 'I failed.' Utena's tears began to run and she dropped to her knees and hung her head. 'I failed again. I have not kept my promise to Anthy.' As she thought about how she would be without her friend again, she realized her loneliness. But a hand touched her cheek softly and gently dropped away.

"Tenjou, get up." Touga, now with less care in his touch, grabbed her arm and lifted. "Since when do you act like a woman?" he commented. Utena came to her feet, but her heart was still on the ground. "Don't give up. You only need training and I am nice enough to show you my expertise."

"No." she replied, tearing her arm out of his hand. "I don't need your help." Utena stormed off. Assured of her regained flare, a slight grin of satisfaction came upon Touga's face.

The walk home had been a lonely one. Many times she had made the walk from the dueling arena to the dorm room she shared with Himemiya. With The Rose Bride by her side, Utena felt full of purpose, even as if she walked inside of destiny's lines. Now destiny had left her. With each day that Anthy was away from her, Utena felt further from Dios. She felt empty unsure of how to reach him without The Rose Bride. The love she had for Anthy was had become a wide river and on the other side stood Dios. But the passing moments only widened the gulf until soon she would not be able to reach Dios at all. Her heart troubled her and her exhaustion teased at her senses. She wasn't even sure how she got home or what had become of the evening but it was now dark outside. Utena made her way to her bed still unable to rest.

"What's wrong with me? Dios, why have you left me? Was it you who helped Nanami today?" After a moment of silence, she let her hair sprawl over the pillow. But her eyes did not close, instead she looked over at the empty bed across from hers, Utena's mind went back to despair.

The next day at school Utena was inattentive to her classes and her classmates. She finds it hard to even write her notes because of a steady glare in her vision. All of her surroundings seemed foggy and her body almost as if it was not there.

"Strange things happen when you don't get the proper rest." Wakaba said. Wakaba was Utena's best friend. They walked together between classes. Wakaba usually acted like Utena's bodyguard against the rabid fan girls that she accumulated. With her superior dueling skills, athletic talents and persistence to have masculine mental toughness, she was the target of many crushes from both guys and girls. None of that mattered to Utena on any day, but this day especially and everyone could tell. She was drained emotionally and physically. Her only hope of coming to school was perhaps to see Anthy. Even though Anthy was Nanami's, she sometimes got away from her and came to speak with Utena. Even for the moment they could speak Utena regained faith. That moment of faith was now to come, as she saw Anthy coming up the path towards her and Wakaba. But pain eeked out of her heart, seeing Nanami only a step behind Anthy.

"Do you think she'll speak?" Wakaba squeaked.

"No. Nanami will not allow it." Utena explained in a cold, dry voice. But when the two had advanced a few steps closer, Anthy jogged right upon Utena and hugged her. Utena's heart skipped a beat. She had not hugged her friend in weeks, months it seemed. She wanted to embrace her in return but her reflexes seemed slowed to a snail's pace. By the time she thought to move, Anthy had stood back from her. Nanami stood close by, seeming impatient and Wakaba looked on with a mixture of joy for Utena's moment of gladness and jealousy of anyone, even Anthy, getting that close to her. Both of them faded from Utena's sight, blending into the foggy surroundings. Now only stood Anthy, politely and sweetly, just as always.

"Miss Utena." Utena broke her sad expression into a half smile. "I am glad to see you. I have missed you." she paused and looked back as if to get confirmation to speak on. "I would like to make dinner for you tonight, if that is ok?"

"Yes, I would enjoy that."

"Ok, after school I will come by." Utena only smiled in return. To say or do more meant that she might cry and as Touga had said earlier, she does not act in those womanly ways. As Anthy walked passed, Utena's vision suddenly widened and she saw Nanami there also. She stared at Utena with a look of satisfaction, then she also walked passed.

"I guess Nanami isn't a total witch." Wakaba said happily, but Utena wasn't so sure. Something was amiss, but she would analyze it later. Now, she wanted to enjoy the thought of spending time with Anthy.

The dorm was warmed with the sense of fresh, delicious food. Utena could hardly wait and traveled quickly down the hall. She missed Himemiya's cooking but it was that her friend was back in their shared room that made Utena anxious. When she turned the corner of the hall, she became quickly irritated at the sight of the guy standing there. It was Saionji. He was another of the Student Counsel members. He was harsh and cold, especially towards Anthy, but apparently also in love with the girl. He stood there mumbling something to someone she could not, right in front of her dorm room. Utena went back to the edge of the corner to hide herself. When she glanced again, Saionji moved a few inches and she saw it was Nanami that stood there with him. 'Why would she be talking to him? and right here?'

Then she saw the door open. It was Anthy, looking as beautiful as ever. Utena could see her so clearly, she felt they stood face to face. She saw her eyes shimmer with a slight fear of Saionji while letting him and Nanami step right in. After they had gone in, she walked up to the door and while walking she heard their voices.

"Here is the poison." Saionji said. Even though the door was rightly in place, Utena could see Saionji on the opposite side handing a small beaker with a cork cap to Anthy.

"I will add it to her plate then I will be Miss Nanami's Rose Bride forever."

"Then Anthy, we can be together forever." Saionji replied, giving Anthy a quick but passionate kiss.

Utena was sweating bullets, hoping they would not see her but then the door was solid between them again. 'But why, why would Anthy do this to me? Haven't I treated her better than any of the duelist? I thought we were friends. I mean, if this is about Saionji, she can have him. That's no reason to kill me.'

She opened the door, seeing Saionji and Nanami sitting patiently at the table. She wanted to say she heard their plans, she wanted to storm into the kitchen and catch Anthy pouring the liquid onto her plate, but she didn't. Instead she greeted the two without question and took her seat at the table. Utena felt her reason had left her and her actions were not of her choosing. She felt like she could not escape, even though somewhere in her mind she knew she could.

As dinner was being set on the table a knock came at the door. Without moving, Utena knew it was Touga and at her thought of him, he came into the room.

"Have you forgotten our date, beautiful prince?" He said after surveying the room. Utena breathed relief and stood up from the table without word. When she came close enough to him, he took her hand then apologized to Anthy, claiming the tickets he purchased could not be returned. Utena felt more disoriented than before, following Touga out of the room. Touga suddenly grabbed her and held her close. She looked around and saw they were outside the dormitory.

"Dearest Utena, I found a love letter from Saionji addressed to Anthy, plotting your death this very night by poisoning your food. I cannot let you die before I can tell you." He then looked down into her eyes. She knew what it he wanted to tell her, even though he had not come near saying it before. She knew because she felt it, the same attraction he had for her. In the beginning, she had thought it was Touga who had been the prince that came to save her when she was a child. She would have happily been in love with him, but it had not been him. It had been Dios, the unreachable Dios of the upside-down castle that floated above the dueling arena. The loving Dios that empowered her in all of her duels. All except the last two. But Utena had not given up on Dios and so she could not give up on Anthy either.

"Touga do not say it. "Anthy has a pure heart and mind, she could never go against me as her friend and savior." She broke loose of Touga's embrace, ran back inside her long pink hair flowing behind her.

On the table still sat her dinner. Nanami, Saionji and Anthy all watched as Utena sat down, lifted her fork into the noodles then to her mouth. Utena saw Anthy, almost eagerly awaiting, but Utena felt dying at the hands of this girl would be better than to go on without her. Immediately upon swallowing, the room began to spin and become dimmer.

Utena closed her eyes.

When she opened them she saw her dark bedroom. Looking across to the window she could tell it was night. She looked across to the bed besides hers and saw lavender curls of hair. It was Anthy. Utena lay there realizing she was not dead, but unsure of what happened. When Anthy's eyes finally popped open she smiled at Utena.

"Miss Utena, did you get any rest?"

"No. What happened last night?" Anthy sat up and got herself on guard. "We did our homework, you watched TV while I cleaned. We ate dinner and talked. Touga also came by to visit, but you came in here and would not come out until he left. Not long after we went to sleep." Nothing seemed amiss, it all felt true, so could it be she had dreamed it all.

"Miss Utena, why do you avoid Touga so much? Is it your wish that he truly would stop courting you? Don't you want to be near him?"

"No. I don't want Touga. I want Dios."

"Miss Utena, if that is true, why do you court me?"

"Court you! No, Anthy, I don't -court- you. You are mistaken."

"If I am mistaken, why do you treat me like this?"

"Anthy, why is this even coming up? If this is about Saionji you can go out with him, I'm not standing between you two."

Anthy paused for a moment, giving Utena time to remember Anthy poisoning her in the dream. A different, more peaceful and confident composure came upon Anthy.

"This isn't about the love of Saionji. This is about you and the love of Dios. Utena, he doesn't want you to have mixed feelings because you aren't physically with Him. His love is with you, even when I am not."

"But how?" Utena said moving from her bed to Anthy's, "Every time I get close to him, it is while I'm with you Anthy." She embraced the girl with all her strength. This time felt more real and not so fantastic that she could not enjoy it. Yet within her embrace, Anthy's body felt lighter but still solid. She felt a warm arm surround her, but it felt stronger than normal. Utena moved back to see Dios holding her closely. Tears immediately came rolling down her face. "Dios."

"Don't cry. I have come to you to show you these many things, so that you will know that I am within you and with you. The dream of Anthy poisoning you was because your relationship is poisoned. Once you wanted to protect those in need, as I have protected you. This was your love to me, being to others what I was to you. But you have centered your love away from me, to this girl Anthy."

"But Dios, I want to have someone physically here with me. It is hard to be alone."

"This is why Touga is here. He is not I, nor will he show you my gentleness, as Anthy can. But he needs you to show him gentleness. He is alone, as you have said you are. This is why love is in your heart for him. This is why love is in the earth."

"But what about Anthy? If I am not to love her, why do I protect her?"

"But you are to love her. You are, like me, to protect the innocent. This is your path in life and you cannot protect without love. That is why you have lost to Nanami, because you could not protect - you could not protect because your love was not towards me. I could not give you the power you needed. Isn't that why you have come to love me in the first place? Isn't that why you love me, because I have first loved you?"

Dios' voice as well as his body faded until there was nothing there except blackness all around her. She found herself laying down and voices coming closer to her.

"Tenjou."

"Stop calling her name. I've won the match."

"Wait, she's moving. Tenjou get up." Utena opened her eyes to see shadowed faces leaning over her.

"Miss Utena, are you ok?" Utena blinked and sat up. "Yes, I think." She looked around to see herself back in the dueling arena. Nanami stood a few feet away from her. She instantly looked down and saw her rose blossom securely attached. "I haven't lost yet?"

"No, but you will be forfeited if you do not get up this instant." Nanami replied in frustration.

"Wait." Touga said getting on his knees to inspect the pink-haired girl. "You have been out almost 5 minutes. Are you truly ok? This duel can be postponed." his eyes pierced her own. For the first time, Utena looked back into his eyes, seeing the concern he would have for his own health.

"Yes, Touga. I am fine now, thank you for caring." He smiled and helped her up. Utena looked at Anthy. "Through the power of Dios, I will free you."

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Dios? I have his power, I have the rose bride. That fall must have sent you for a loop."

Utena did reply but prepared herself to attack. She knew that Dios' love was with her, and it had always been. As Nanami came charging once more, Utena realized she could easily beat her and anyone else, with or without Anthy. Their swords clanked and clashed, releasing the smell of roses. With confidence Utena didn't even look at her blossom. She knew that Dios had battled for her and her path was not going to be changed unless she wanted it to. Watching Nanami scream in defeat, Utena remember that it wasn't the power inside of Anthy that counted during these duels, but it was what was inside of herself.

* * *

Author's Comments

I'm so glad that I could re-write this fanfic. I wanted to re-write it because it was sooo skimpy before. You can go to my account and read the previous, really bad, version I had wrote before. That was about 3 years ago so don't shoot me ok? As I have "studied" the plot of Revolutionary Girl Utena, I have found a lot of Christian references to it. I know it's not a Christian anime, and the creator most likely isn't either, but just the struggle of Dios and Akio is interesting. So of course, I wanted to lock into Dios being the Christian God (Dios is Spanish for God).

As I have said before, everything I write, God is the center of it. There are a lot of references to Christianity in this fic, esp. towards the end. With the I loved you first, and the I'm with you even tho you don't see me stuff.

The part about Anthy... well for those that don't know this anime in the least. The duelists "win" the Rose Bride, which is Anthy, when they win the duels. That's because there is a sword that literally comes out of the body of Anthy. This sword is the sword of Dios, or the power of Dios. No one is supposedly able to get that sword to come out unless they had "won" Anthy. Also, Anthy has to do whatever the winner tells her (like outside of the arena) until someone else wins her. It's crazy I know but that's why Anthy is so.. special? to Utena in this fic. She knows that the power of Dios is inside of this girl and therefore she feels like Dios is apart of her. She focuses her love and strength on this girl.

That's something we are all guilty of in love relationships. It's easy, esp. when you are young or 1st love types of things, to focus more attention on your bf/gf than on God who created this bf/gf, who created you and who loves you ultimately. So yes, this is a love story. It's about God's love for us and that we should not target it in the wrong way. God gives us companionship, friends, etc. But we are to keep our fullness of love for Him as He has done for us.

So what happened with the dream sequence? When was she dreaming and when was she not? I thought it might help some to walk you step by step.. IF IT WAS CONFUSING OF HOW THIS PROGRESSED - IF IT DOESN'T READ AS I HAVE EXPLAINED TELL ME! Help me be a better storyteller

Ok so this is how it goes. Nanami and Utena are dueling (this is their 2nd duel, because Anthy is already in Nanami's possession). This duel is real, not imagined. But Utena is getting sloppy because she's lacking sleep. So when Nanami comes at her, Dios moves her out of the way and puts her to sleep. 1st dream is Touga asking Utena to stay with him. 2nd dream is Utena continuing to and losing the duel. This is a dream! She doesn't lose as we find out at the very end of the story. Dios has her asleep so he can show her these things that her lack of focused love for him will create. So the 2nd dream continues from Anthy's invite to the dinner to Touga's saving her, all the way until she eats the noodles. The 3rd and finally dream is her waking up with Anthy safely home and the conversation she has with Anthy, then Dios. This is a dream! That's why Anthy changes into Dios. Remember this whole thing is a message he's giving her. Utena awakens back at the dueling arena because remember, she was put into a deep sleep thing at the beginning of the story. She hadn't lost the duel yet and Nanami, Touga and Anthy had been looking over her while she dreamt these different things. Ok hope that makes sense. Tell me, did that make sense while you read it? Did it seem close to that or did you get a total different impression? Tell me tell me XD


End file.
